It’s becoming a blur. Everyday flowing into the next. I look down at this little babe who is now 6 months and I can’t even remember how we got here. I feel like I am constantly going through the motions: eat, sleep, poop. I am finding myself looking at the clock to see if it’s the next nap yet so I can finally get something done and I hate that I am doing that. I hate that I am rushing through Londons baby years.
She has started separation anxiety.. Beeg didn’t start till 18 mo and here we are at 6 months like a switch! She wakes constantly throughout the night looking for me. I am right next to her but that’s not good enough… She wants, no needs, to be in my arms.
I am missing so much of BaileyGrae too… Constantly telling her “no”, “I can’t”, “sorry”. I seriously feel like the worst mom most days, and don’t even get me started on how horrible of a wife I have been.
Of course when I am in it I find my self saying “I can’t wait till she’s two and they will play together” but that reality will be here all too soon.
So for now I am just going to take a break… A break from trying to start a professional blog, a break from trying to have a perfect house (not that I ever really did) and even a break for trying to have the perfect homeschool schedule.
I am going to play! And laugh! I promise to cuddle more, and break all the clocks. No more “lists”, no more plans. I am just going to live… We are just going to live. I am going to take as many pictures and videos of these precious souls that I can. I am going cry… Not cry like I do now about all things I haven’t gotten done, but cry because these moments, these precious moments, are slipping away.